Last night, the governor of Illinois announced a mandatory shelter in place measure, effective today, for two and a half weeks. It made everything regarding COVID-19 feel so real to me; it affects my job, income, and personal life on so many levels, like it does for so many other people around the world. Yes, I want to keep the population safe, so I understand the measures, but it is definitely frightening to have so many unknowns looming on the horizon.
Exactly a week ago, I was on tour in Atlanta. We had driven all the way there, only to be told our performance was going to be cancelled. Just 36 hours after arriving, we turned around to make the 12 hour trip back home. Though I had no idea what all was to come (two weeks ago, our schools and theaters and restaurants were all open and operating!), the cancelled performances were definitely a shadow of what was approaching. In an attempt to process all the feelings of disappointment, hope, sadness, fear, and worry, I began to write flowery free verse, as I often do when upset/bored/over-thinking. I felt that today was an appropriate time to share what I wrote with you all, and I pray it provides you with a little beauty and a little hope in the center of all this uncertainty.
Endlessly scrolling
As if our thumbs rubbing over the glass screen would unveil any answer
We look for hope in the constant refreshing of strangers’ opinions, on platforms where everyone is an expert
We look up—and looming outside our window is the monster we have tried so desperately to avoid
Shapeless—
Lightless—
We see it’s hazy letters hovering in the air:
UNKNOWN
We gather our weapons: policies & routines & convenience
But UNKNOWN has collapsed our shelter of control and we find our sand castles were not strong enough to weather the storm
In times of uncertainty, it feels like our world is hurling through the galaxy, a freight train derailed, thousands of pounds metal being twisted beyond repair. We build cities out of sand, construct comfort out of predictability, and pray the storm passes over just one more time—
And then it rains.
And you know what they say—When it rains, it pours!—and boy, has it rained...
Our sand cities collapse down the hill toward UNKNOWN
And we find ourselves crippled, faces down, afraid to look up at the shapeless, lightless, voiceless void...
And yet
All it takes is one person with the courage to lift their head—
And in the midst of wars, famines, plagues, and heartbreak—
We see it—
SPRING.
She sits in the midst of UNKNOWN
A spot of certainty
We lift our faces out of the dirt, grime, and gravel, and we see—
The seasons are still changing.
The sun is still rising, setting.
And now I see—
God is in control
